A snarky 10-step cheat sheet for surviving customer service calls (without losing your mind — or making someone else lose theirs).

So here we are… You really have to do it, don’t you?
You have to call customer service. Let me start by saying: I’m sorry. Nobody wants this. Not you, not me, not the thousands of underpaid representatives on the other side of that line. But alas, here we are.

I worked in customer service for five years. It made me lose my faith in humanity. The only thing I really got out of it was a burnout... and a set of very strong opinions about what makes a call go smoothly (and what makes us want to hang up on you).

This little guide is my way of putting all that trauma to good use:

• 10 brutally honest steps to get your problem fixed faster
• What customer service reps wish you’d do (but can’t say out loud)
• The strategies that get you results instead of hold music
• How to avoid becoming “that customer” — the one we still talk about in the break room

Help us help you. Call smarter. Get it over with. And please — for the love of all that is holy — don’t make it worse than it already is.